We lost our Dish remote over a year and a half ago. We looked high and low for that thing, and ended up buying a universal remote. This morning it was just sitting there on the coffee table. I guess it thought it could return like nothing had ever happened. But when it decided it bury itself in some mysterious location over a year ago, I felt the sting of its loss.
First of all, universal remotes don’t work well with Dish receivers, so we couldn’t replace it with any old remote from Wal-Mart. And Dish would take a week to ship a new one. So it was off to Radio Shack to pick up a replacement. Otherwise, my DVR recordings would remain trapped.
But the remote wasn’t thinking of those poor recordings. Let me explore the wonders between these cushions! What can I find in this dark, unreachable crevice? As I stood contemplating its replacements, anger burned within me. How could I have ever loved such a self-centered, uncaring…oh, the pain of betrayal.
Then there was that whole awkward readjustment phase. The Dish remote had felt comfortable and natural in my hand – like an extension of me. Now, I fumbled self-consciously with the buttons. I pushed one and the devices all came to life, another and the TV turned blue. Red-faced, I sat stiffly next to it…maybe this new relationship wasn’t going to work. Oh, how I longed for that sweet Dish remote, how I wished it would return to me.
But now time has passed. The universal remote is now comfortably ensconced in my life. We have this symbiotic relationship – harmony, pure bliss. And Dish…I can’t even imagine why I liked you in the first place. So go back to your crevices and cracks; go explore your mystical land of “Where the heck did that thing go!” You’re not wanted. You’re not needed. You’ve been replaced!